Turn Ordinary Fruit Juice into Liquid Delight

 

Have you ever made your own wine? It's actually not that complicated. It is three things: alchemy, math and patience. 

I'm not about to give away any formulas, but I'll just say that you need not stomp grapes yourself. 

- Writer

Indeed, Writer, you don't need to stomp or mash your own fruit. You only need to run to Aldi for your first brew.  Seriously. I do suggest getting an airlock and bung for a one gallon glass jug (and the jug, obviously). 

So yes, you can turn Aldi grape juice into a great red table wine. Here's how.

Step One - Select Your Juice:

While you can choose any flavor, apple, cranberry, apple-cran, or whatever, ingredients are key. If there are any words that end in ATE or ITE (yes long dumb preservative words), then don't buy that juice. Go to the organic section, or you know, just go to Aldi. (We do NOT own any stock in Aldi, we just like it there).

Step Two - Sanitize:

Sanitize your one gallon jug, a measuring cup, maybe some string devices and keep the rest of the sanitizer in reserve just in case you forgot something. If you are unsure which sanitizer to use, then just buy Star Sans. You can also use a few table spoons of bleach to a sink full of warm water. 

*If using bleach, make sure everything is rinsed well and dry before using it. *

Step Three - Pick a Flavor, Add Sugar and Shake:

Select two 2-quart bottles of your favorite juice, and add one to the gallon jug.  

Next, add 1-2 cups of white sugar to the the same jug. Note: More sugar makes more ABV and a drier wine.

Shake the crap out of it until all the sugar dissolves. What a no-cool-tool recipe, eh? This should get you over 10% alcohol from most fruit juices. 

Step Four - Add Bread Yeast and Vodka (yup):

Get a packet of Fleschmans bread yeast. Yes, bread yeast works just fine for this. If you want to buy a jar instead, then use about 1/2 to 1 teaspoon in your gallon jug.

1. Add the rest of the juice, and shake a little more. 
2. Dump the yeast packet or spoon full of yeast into the jug. 
3. Add the airlock (the one I told you to buy at the beginning). 
4. Pour most of an airplane bottle of the cheapest, shiniest vodka you can get into the airlock until it hits the lines.

Step Six - Patience is Wine:

Wait a couple weeks, and enjoy the bubbling sound. Think of it like a Lava Lamp you'll get to drink.

When the bubbles are gone, or mostly gone, very gently pour some Lava Juice out into a clean jug. DO NOT disturb the must in the bottom of the original jug. 

Normally, I syphon the liquid with a hose, but I'm trying to keep this as simple as possible. 

Step Seven - Sippin' on Bliss:

Enjoy your first sip. 

Make another batch with everything you just learned. Go buy a hydrometer and auto syphon to do it more easily and efficiently on your second go round. 

Enjoy,  

- Woodsman

Now that's my kind of science and math. 

- Writer